June
2013
Suffering Fools - Episode 34
THEY'RE BACK! Yes, Mike and Dave are really, finally back from their infamous anthropological expedition to deepest Upstate New York and the successful Catskills Dig in which petrified dinner rolls were unearthed in hopes of extracting the DNA of long extinct Borscht Belt comedians. The goal? JEWRASIC PARK! Get it? See? JEW-asic! That's different than JUR-asic. Which was the original thing. See? So, this week in THE WORLD AROUND THE GLOBE we hear the stories behind these jaw-droppingly, pants-fillingly headlines ripped from today's places where you find this stuff:
*THE SENIOR CITIZEN CRACK AND HO SOCIETY
*BUTT, BUTT OFFICER!
*THE CUM THUMB and
*THE BEEF JERKING DIET
Finally, in a new segment the boys are forced to contractually call I SAW IT ON THE COMPUTER, M & D discuss a couple of their favorite websites that they mistakenly think you'll enjoy as well! So, stick around, the whole thing is like 30 minutes, so it's not going to kill you to listen, right? Just relax have some wine and enjoy SUFFERING FOOLS WITH MIKE AND DAVE, EPISODE 34!
SHOW NOTES after the cut...
sufferingfools 
After 75 years, 3 Pulitzers, 2 Peabodys and a gold medal in the 1968 Olympics under
our belt, we here at SUFFERING FOOLS WITH MIKE AND DAVE - notwithstanding the
lesson learned from the recent Classic/New Coke debacle - have decided it was time for
a change. To keep up with the times and keeping in mind the short attention span of the
youngsters in our audience, as well as acknowledging our commitment to being a
"green" organization in this economy, we have created new "segments" that are shorter,
quicker and take less time to digest. Of course, we'll still bring you the classic "stories"
you've loved for well over 100 years but now you'll find them nestled under "THE
WORLD AROUND THE GLOBE" banner. And they'll be less of them. Following
"TWATG" each week we'll bring you a new and exciting segment - a different one each
show! This week it's "HOLLYWOOD LOST AND FOUND WITH MIKE AND DAVE" in
which Mike and Dave revisit semi-obscure comedy movie gems of decades past. !
In THE WORLD AROUND THE GLOBE this week we'll hear about A MOTHER'S
(TONGUE) KISS; THE HOTEL FOR THE DEAD; THE DEADLY FOOT PLANTING; and
THE SCANDAL OF RANDY ROY ROGERS. In this week's HOLLYWOOD LOST AND
FOUND segment the boys review "CHAMPAGNE FOR CAESAR" with Ronald
Coleman, Vincent Price and Art Linkletter! So, we hope you like our new stuff as much
as you've liked the old stuff or maybe a little better. That would be good. From a
marketing standpoint.
SUFFERING FOOLS WITH MIKE AND DAVE EPISODE 31. Say that three times, fast! Thanks. This week M & D are enjoying a lazy Saturday afternoon with Ward, June, Wally and The Beav when the calm is shattered by the arrival of Eddie Haskell, who taunts June with his drooling, lascivious grin as he pulls a switchblade on the helpless Ward. Wally dashes for the phone and dials the cops, alerting them to the fact that Eddie has violated his restraining order once again as Beaver grabs for the nearest blunt, heavy object and pummels Eddie's head until blood spatters everywhere. Ward faints dead on the couch as Wally helps Beaver wipe the blood from his eyes with an antimacassar (look it up). Eddie, now slumped on the floor, emits a gurgling death rattle and expires, as Mike and Dave retire to the bedroom with June to record this painful podcast. This week, CRIME STORY gives us the tales of the MOST ANNOYING PEDESTRIAN IN PORTLAND, MAINE; the RENTED WHIPPING BOY; and THE INVISIBLE BANK ROBBER! OUR GOVERNMENT INACTION tells us about THE SHORT-SIGHTED JUDGE, while BAD BUSINESS wants us to wipe with SHITTENS! YOU'RE KIDDING shows us how a bunch of MOTHERS FIGHT BESTIALITY, and SOCIAL STUDIES regales us with another bullshit SURVEY CONDUCTED BY ADULTS that purports to tell us what KIDS ENJOY! So, as the saying goes: don't be too hard on the beaver and turn that dial to SUFFERING FOOLS WITH MIKE AND DAVE EPISODE 31!
29 is almost 30 but not quite. But it's not 28 either, that's for sure! Ha, ha ha! So, that brings us to this week's episode of SUFFERING FOOLS WITH MIKE AND DAVE! This week the boys are enjoying a rousing afternoon of Milles Borne and Trouble (with " Pop-O-Matic Action ") at their buddy Dennis Mitchell's house when his parents, Mr. Mitchell and Mrs. Mitchell, appear at his bedroom door followed by next-door neighbor Mr. Wilson and two policeman. After a heated argument during which Wilson accuses Dennis of performing various sociopathic antics, Dennis' slingshot accidentally falls from his back pocket and he is instantly tasered and taken to the ground by the cops. As Dennis writhes in pain, Mrs. Mitchell rushes to his side and is pepper-sprayed and handcuffed. Wilson, still red-faced from the argument, suffers a massive heart attack and falls on top of Mr. Mitchell who hits his head on a nearby table rendering him unconscious. As the two cops discuss how they'll cover-up their litigable actions, Mike and Dave slink out the side door and later record this peonic podcast. First up in CRIME SCENE, we hear the tale of the MAN-HORSE-BABY! SOCIAL STUDIES takes us to CANADIA where we learn about their POUTINE CRISIS and the ins-and-outs of CANADIAN SEX! OUR GOVERNMENT INACTION tells us about a SPANKING NEW LAW and the YOU'RE KIDDING! files describes the joys of being the first PORN STAR IN SPACE and the bottomless pit of pain known as ASS LIGHTNING!. Finally, the guys pay tribute to a man whose life was recently turned upside-down and shaken. So, don't be a MENACE 2 SOCIETY or something. Tune in and turn on SUFFERING FOOLS WITH MIKE AND DAVE, EPISODE 29!!
Somehow, Mike and Dave have been able to produce 28 of these SUFFERING FOOLS WITH MIKE AND DAVE things. It kinda reminds me of that guy who was arrested 143 times for DUI before he finally had his license revoked. One time should have been enough! Anyway, this week the boys are hanging out with their old buddy Tim O'Hara in his tiny studio apartment above Mrs. Brown's garage, trading MARS ATTACKS! bubblegum cards, when they hear a BLOOD-CURDLING SCREAM. They run to the window just in time to see Tim's Uncle Martin hilariously sucking the life-forces from Mrs. Brown's head before tearing her from limb to limb and dining on her bone marrow. As Tim makes lame and humorless excuses for his Uncle's behavior, M&D sneak out of the back door seconds before Uncle Martin's MOTHER SHIP appears from behind a cloud bank, green LASER BEAMS shooting from its bow, laying waste to everything in its path. Amid the horrible death and destruction, they record this predictable podcast. First up, CRIME SCENE tells four pathetic tales: DINING AT THE Y CAN BE MURDER; THE PROSTITUTE WHO ARRESTED HERSELF; SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT VII and THE CRACKERJACK CAR JACKERS. BAD BUSINESS shows us how TACO BELL got BLOWN-OUT IN THE END and SOCIAL STUDIES gives us two final stories: THE FRENCH KISS OF IRONY and THOSE GOBBLIN' GOBLINS. So, even if you don't have a FAVORITE MARTIAN, gets those antennae up and tune into SUFFERING FOOLS WITH MIKE AND DAVE EPISODE 28!
Did you know that the fourth Saturday of the month of January 2013 falls on the TWENTY-SIXTH!?? Wow, freaky. Anyway, this week Mike and Dave follow George, Jane, Judy and Elroy to their penthouse apartment for a fun Family Night but are stopped in the garage by that little guy with the cap and overalls who admonishes them due to the fact that 3-dimensional people are not allowed in the building. After sneaking in the servants entrance, M&D arrive just in time to see George plunge 20,000 feet to his death in a dog-walking mishap and an errant aerocar smash into the side of the building due to the lack of any visible traffic laws. After consoling Judy with a game of naked Twister, Mike and Dave record this predictable podcast. First up, in the YOU'RE KIDDING folder we hear about the teacher who loved teaching but HATED KIDS! BAD BUSINESS tells us of the jeans that allow you to shoot the 2 BALL IN THE CORNER POCKET and also the story of the IN-HOUSE OUT-SOURCING. HOLY SHIT MR. SCIENCE describes the HORROR OF THE EXTINCTION OF THE CRAB lice and the story of BESTIALITY from the BEAST'S PERSPECTIVE! SOCIAL STUDIES explains what a CUDDLE BUM is and finally, the boys pay tribute to a man whose identical twin brother played his identical twin brother on an episode of MAUDE! So, strap on your retro-futuristic jet packs and meep-meep-meep on over to SUFFERING FOOLS WITH MIKE AND DAVE EPISODE 26!
